To Be or To Be ME

November 21, 2011 by Liquid Fire

The events of the last few days have caused me to think about where my life should be going… or rather where I would like it to go, things I would like to do or be someday. I made a bucket list of sorts, it’s sort of personal but for the sake of writers integrity or something here goes.

Things I want to do:

  1. See a F1 Grand Prix Live
  2. Climb Killimanjaro
  3. Write a book
  4. Backpack through Europe
  5. Go skydiving
  6. Get a degree
  7. Visit Thailand, Singapore and Vietnam
  8. Fit in a size 32
  9. Try out something in forensics
  10. Speak in front of at least 1000 people
  11. See the Aurora Borealis
  12. Learn to play the piano
  13. Learn to speak French and German
  14. Learn to cook a decent kickass meal
  15. Road trip with close friends
  16. Make a time capsule
  17. Trick or Treat
  18. Visit the Louvre
  19. Drive a really fast car/ race car
  20. Go on all the rides in Disneyland
  21. Try making pottery
  22. See Philipp Lahm play live/ (preferably in a World Cup match)
  23. Build a house in Habitat for Humanity
  24. Learn to say “No” and not feel guilty
  25. Own a B&B/Restaurant
  26. Try out photography
  27. Live in my dream home
  28. Make a wax seal ring
  29. Milk a cow
  30. Take part in the SlutWalk
  31. Make a real snow angel
  32. Learn to shoot a gun
  33. Donate blood
  34. Figure out my fashion style
  35. Get a tattoo
  36. Spend a night in a holding cell
  37. Learn to swim in the ocean (I have a crippling fear of large bodies of water)
  38. Try an advanced driving course (hand break turning and whatnot)

That’s all I have so far and it’s kind of all over the place but it’s custom built for moi. I’d love to start on it now but at home I just can’t bring myself to do it. Why? I can’t just try out things without getting the 3rd degree on who, what, why, how and when from my parents. I can’t just try something and hate it or love it without reason, I always have to justify my every move and share every thought about everything before it’s enough. It’s exhausting and I feel smothered.

Some of the things on my list may not be realistic or conducive to the perfect stepford child that every parent would want but fuck it! My parents had their lives to live, it’s about time I get to enjoy mine. So I will make mistakes, just like they did and I think they turned out just fine. It won’t make me any less of a person or decrease my value in life, everyone makes mistakes. I want the freedom to make those mistakes and not have someone convince me that they know what’s best for me.

If I want your advice I’ll ask for it, otherwise leave me be. Once my parents learn to let me do my own thing I might be more inclined to share things with them instead of always rebelling against them. The thing is they don’t give me the chance to get that point across before taking offence or jumping down my throat for something.

I’m stuck between an exhausting rebellion or a frustrating parental unit. Either way it’s a hard place.

Chihíichalòo!

Liquid Fire


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